name: the official schulte collaborator's network (TOSCN) location: http://www.geocities.com/RodeoDrive/5635/ creator: kip maxey best feature: funny as hell; great idea worst feature: not yet finished; many sections incomplete originality: A+ content: B presentation: A+ overall: A+
If you know anything about The Original Perfect Drug Website and the saga involved with it (click here for more info), then you probably know who Chris Schulte is. He's the guy who "leaked" an early recording of The Perfect Drug to the Ninternet months before the song's official release. He was soon approached by Nothing Records, who demanded that he remove the song from his website. He did so, but kept the site going (now the file is back on his page, or you can download it here), extending his "fifteen minutes of fame" on the Ninternet far beyond its welcome. His actions brought him some fans, but also many harsh critics, including Jason Patterson and many frequenters of alt.music.nin. Thus when Schulte announced his latest claim-to-fame, The Official Nine Inch Nails Collaborator's Network (or "TONCN"), he was met with a great deal of skepticism, mostly because of his new claim that he had several anonymous "inside sources," who would be giving him hot info on Trent, NiN, and Nothing Records (which, for the most part, was the only reason TONCN ever generated any interest in the first place). After a month of so of advertising his "inside sources," he finally launched the "gossip" section of TONCN, where his main "source," affectionately refered to as "John Doe," began giving vague reports about Trent's dark personal life, new NiN releases, and other things. The reports about Trent range from him visiting "Titty Bars" to making fun of his fans. In short, almost none of them have anything good to say about Mr. Reznor. Schulte's "gossip" has been degraded, insulted, and protested by Ninnies everywhere, but it has also collected some loyal fans, who now have the opportunity to take part in Schulte's "Ask John Doe," where the "inside source" will personally answer your questions about Trent (pretty nice of him, eh?).
This brings us to "TOSCN," "The Official Schulte Collaborator's Network," an outright mocking of TONCN done with unmatched style and humor. The page is designed to be like TONCN, except it's all about Chris Schulte and the "schulternet" instead of Trent Reznor. It's effective because it looks exactly like TONCN in style and appearance, and has all the same features, from the infamous "gossip column" (complete with an "ask john doe" section about schulte) to the "thumbnail gallery" (where, on TONCN, the pictures are small to save space and to "make them harder to steal," though all the pictures have been stolen from other NiN websites, mine included), which shows goofy pictures of Schulte from baby pictures to "The TPD Era" to "The TONCN Era." Every word on the page mimicks something Schulte wrote on TONCN, and every graphic is identical to those on TONCN. If you even have the slightest idea who Schulte is, you'll find this page hilarious.
The Ninternet has seen its fair share of parody pages, from Blackrose's triumphant yet tiresome Impossible Pain, to the shoddy and outdated Unofficial Nine Inch Parodies Homepage. But TOSCN is original, relentless, and hysterical, and will certainly not be forgotten as one of the most creative farces around.
Note: Before you visit The Official Schulte Collaborator's Network, I strongly suggest checking out The Official Nine Inch Nails Collaborator's Network (if you haven't already). Get a feel for the site, read through the gossip column, take a good look around. Then visit TOSCN, and you'll have a much better appreciation of how good it really is.
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